Labor B-Team Doubles at Domingo; or the Tale of a Perterminator with Jackass Mates
July 6, 2003
Rancho Domnguez, CA
Editor’s Note: MKA is off in Oregon where he refuses to open his mail, turn on his computer or answer the telephone. Thus, the responsibility of providing riveting race reportage has been undertaken by Hawk Worthington. Readers of MKA’s Journal often ask the identity of Mr. Sour Mental. Unfortunately, this name cannot be revealed. A few years ago Mr. Sour advised that significant legal recourse would attend if he was ever again made the fool of MKA’s Racing News reports and so it was that he came to be known as “He Who Can’t Be Named.” Mr. No Name did not appreciate this playful sobriquet. A couple years ago the Self was minding business in a Crit when this then unidentified misfit rode up pushed on Self and in spittle punctuated octaves asked “how you like that.” Now, at this point the Self had raced little in SoCal and then rather ignominiously and was under the impression that he not yet earned such vituperative physic expulsions. After the race Self was educated that it was not personal. Anyway, the Hawkstar reports below on Mr. Mental’s notion of good time racing.
Lets rewind the tape. It's pre-season. Feb, 2003. Hoffy: "There's a new Team in Town. Jax. Loaded. Turbo inked. Like U.S. Postal of old. No weaknesses....No. 1 Masters Team in the Country."
Fast Forward: July, 2003. Rancho Domingo. ABC Crit ("Another BusinessPark Crit"). Team JaxOff brangs Turbo and the entire A-Team. Here to teach Labor a Lesson. Even Bruce Molefield.
Labor is short-handed without the likes of MKA (Bending the Rules of the Oregon Coats, in Bend, OR), KB (Hanging-10 with Spy and Sunny Garcia on the North Shore, Hawaii), G-mo (in San Diego, awaiting new supply of CoCoa Butter), Stricky (Water Sledding in Lake Bakersfield), Gengy (spreading out in Santa Barbara) , Sikey-Wikey (killed a man in Reno, just to watch him bleed), and Reverend Billy Stone (Busting Balls of pin-headed Radio shock Jocks in HooterVille).
40+ Crit. 50 minutes.
Halfway into Race it did not look good for Labor. Turbo, BLAZING solo, built 30 seconds on field. Concern seeped into the House of Labor....Yet, amazingly, the Labor boys bring him back. Butch Cassidy was in rare form. He barked at Hawk when it was suggested to "save it for the sprint". Butch set the tone by commencing to pull. 27 seconds became 17. Team JaxOff resorts to curbing with malicious intent. Whatever. They figure the Vee is in the Books with All-World Turbo doing ALL the work. Not so fast. All of the Labor Posse assemble for bring-back pulls. 17 ticks reduced to 8. Howard Sternlick and Jay Wackoff also effort to chase. 5 seconds, then Turbo is absorbed. Whew!
Jaxasses Flailed to counter or exploit the sterling work of perTurbo...
Now Looky Here. It seems Team JaxOff have pulled a circle-jerk, and have stained themselves. An embarrassing result of premature e-Jax-ulation....
Alas, Hard grit, teamwork, and Labor prevail:
My Boredom for a Horse:
1. Butch F-U Cassidy, Pure angry but positive Energy. Labor
2. Mark ExcusenBerg, JaxAss.
3. perTurbo, Mick Jaggov
ReLoad: 30+ Crit. 50 minutes.
Again a flurry of attacks ensue. Again, Team JaxOff assembles Sour (He who cannot be Sane) and Virus to the front of the pel. To do what? To not race, to not abide, to not smile, to not participate, to not help, to not achieve, to not create, to not venture, to not gain, but rather to foil and curb-angle Labor. Nice tactics. Nice Life.
Hawk, motivated by the negativity, ATTACKS clean. Ricky Skweeker, looking fresh and amped, marks it. Turbo Bridges up a lap later. Now we have 3 in the break. Flail Made and Team Felicity chasing. Hawk's leg soon in a blender. But wait. I'm sitting on. From the stampeding rhinos, an epic BRIDGE is made by one rider: Mark, "Great" G-Spot. We have a Labor Closer on Board and the Conductor is punching no more tickets. The break is utterly flying. My job is simple. Cover the surges by Turbo and Skweeker. 2 to go and we have about 13 seconds. My legs feel like concrete. G-Spot calling audibles. Cover Red. Cover Blue. For the Vee, I will do.
30+ Doubly Bored:
1. Mark Great Scott G-Spot, Pure Labor Lightning Bolt
2. Ricky Skweeker, Posty's Burner
3, perTurbo, JaxAss
4. HoverHawk, Labor Grunt Lover
5. $5, takes the Field spree.
Double Wow-Wow in the Labor Pow-Wow. These Vees were Huge on many levels.
Alas, at the end of the majestic day, Captain Hoffy has the audacity to confront me: "Dave is it true your guy sat on and sprinted?"
1st, Don't PRETEND you don't know his name. Which is "G-Spot". He's fast, and he's prudent. He happens to be pure Labor.
2nd, Labor has a PLAN. We execute. The Plan is Labor. It's a good Plan. For Labor. Look at me. YOU -- you are not privvy to the ways of the Plan. You are not Labor.
3rd, Hoffy, forget the Pulls. It's not about the frequency or wattage of the pulls. Rather, lets talk about G-Spot's BRIDGE. THAT was the race. Where were YOU and your 7 scary "no weaknesses" minions?
4th, Good Lord you're Arrogant. You're saying you are such an authority on Racing...that you don't approve/acknowledge HOW Labor wins.... that I should roll over to Labor Camp and re-instruct my Boys: "Okay, next time in that situation, we should really match pulls with God, and Lead-out our opponent and GIVE THEM the Vee on account they have RESUMES, LARGE QUADS, AND LONG PULLS..."
5th, Have you ever seen your comrade, sourMental take a fricken pull in ANY scenario? He's a real role model. He and Virus were doing a real fine job of curbing Labor...very effective in the outcome of the race.
6TH. Hoffy, Note that the post-race Flail Made boys all gave props to our double-down at Domingo. Your bunch on , the other hand, all COMPLAINED And riddled the otherwise bright skies with bile-green sourness and half-baked EXCUSES. Class Act. Look it up...
Assessment: Back in the 90's, when Labor had an on-fire Rambo Fontuckey on-bored (with power synonymous to Turbo's), we won everything. It takes a TEAM to support and exploit powerhouses like these Mt Rushmore studs, Rambo, Turbo... For, eg, 9 times out of 10, Labor would send a sprinter up to Rambo, or at least ensure numbers in the break.... Postals with Turbo understood this in prior years. Today, Turbo must roll his eyes looking at these jaxFlailers. Jaxasses either are not good enuf, not smart enuf, or just lack chemistry. Hence, they flail to fully exploit Turbo.
"Passive Aggressive Blocking" for their God Turbo, don't get it done. I cherish the memory of sour trying to chop Woody, who banged him right back. And the time Virus tried to curbfuk BUTCH, with the desperate premise that this would pad Turbo's lead OTF. Instead, Butch answered with a rabbit punch to the viral ribs, and a huge pull at the front. Not that Labor needed the added incentives...
Twas all two-fully bootyfull....
Oh, and news from KB in Honolulu. He raced a P-1-2-3 CoConut Crit there Sunday. Grabbed the right moves. 6-man Break. Lapped the Lua. And yes, TOOK THE PINEAPPLE VEE!!!!. Nice.
GET THE CHALK!
Hover and out.
And just in time for deadline, MKA won two stages and the overall at Cascade Classic with Rican Heras protecting and launching and still taking third.
Labor, Awe Yeah.