Down Hill Fast - The Harley Turner Story

Max Kash Agro returns to jab smack dab in the eyeball the stoopid sport he loves to loathes so much. Actually he wrote this totally worthless screenplay a few years ago. He thought if he let it sit for a spell, it might get better. But, like a mackerel in the sun, it just got rottener.

The timing now seems right. The screenplay features Don Boss, a caricature based loosely on a tragically flawed egomaniac who bullied his way to the top and crushed anyone who dared to call him out. We’re not supposed to like creeps like “The Don,” but we do. Witness who we just elected to lead the Free World, another ruthless con man also named Don.

You may recognize Harley. He’s the over-achiever we root for, even if he does go too far, or not far enough. He worked hard, made it to The Bigs, labored selflessly in the shadows of a beloved Psychopath, finally got himself free, had his moment, but then lost it all.

One thing Harley did do that nobody can take from him is deliver the most magnificent one day comeback in the history of the sport. When everybody was ready to stick a fork in him, Harley rose from the dead and singlehandedly snatched back the yellow jersey. We’re talking of course about stage 17 of the Tour de France. MKA wanted to craft the entire screenplay around that brilliant display of grit and heart, but the story sort of got away from him.

Down Hill Fast - It's preposterous. It's unfunny. And it ends as it begins - badly. So don't wait, click here now for the read of a lifetime.

Critics are raving about Down Hill Fast:

“A complete waste of time. In fact, it consumes time that hasn’t even happened. Don’t click on it, don’t open it. You’ll regret it.”
-- Der Hiptler, $12k Dreamers on Parade

“Riveting as a dirty diaper.”
-- Bobby Peru, Olfactory Illustrated

“Disappointing. I worked hard to be a Douchebag. MKA didn’t even include me. Despite a prolific and convincing body of work.”
-- The Rev. Billy Stone, Body Sculpting for Jesus, Lodge 66

“I disavow any creative collaboration with the author. A cease and desist is pending.”
-- Reichard Ryan-Zap, Sorority of Goateed Poets

“A disgrace. MKA has again managed to foul, besmirch and smear our beautiful and honorable sport.”
-- Willie Wanker, Maniacs Annonymous

“Mesmerizing as the tarry pools stewing at the bottom of a port-a-potty.”
-- Bloody C. Lotts, Ham-Handed Vulgarian Bloggery

“Long-winded. Overblown. Didactic. Disgusting. MKA’s capacity for profanity and perversion knows no bounds.”
-- Dr. Droobenstein, Chicago Lace Curtain Society

“Not enough violence. Almost no sex. Why would anyone read anything about grown men who are afraid to eat, drink and f**k? What a bunch of pussies. I did like the crashes.”
-- Mo Booty, Confederacy of Barroom Brawlers

I gave MKA the title. After that, it was all downhill. Please don't publish this.”
-- Bop Guy, Union of Concerned Janusians

“Did Armstrong really challenge Landis to a mano-y-mano, winner take all downhill mountain bike race to settle their legal differences? That’s freaking amazing.”
-- Donnie, Legendary Surfer, Bowler and Wanderer

“Look, say what you will, but this guy Don Boss was a bad ass. On the bike, at least. Off the bike? He tended to concentrate more on just being an ass.”
-- F.U. Landowski, Fellowship of Reformed Ass Hats

“More low-brow agitprop from MKA. About as tasty as a Hostess Twinkie wrapped in Elephant Ears dipped in boiling chicken fat."
-- Baba Booey, Paleo Diet Advocate

“Their trial is set to go next May. If Landis is going to win that bet, he'd better start loading up on beer and beans now."
-- Trapper Jack, Super Lawyers